Many people find it hard to both give and take criticism. Those who have been brought up in an environment where they have been subjected to a lot of criticism from parents, siblings or peers can find it hardest of all. Many people lack confidence, especially those whom seem the most confident and this will also make it hard to take criticism constructively rather than defensively. A lack of self confidence can make it equally difficult to provide negative feedback to others because of a fear of offending the other party or of their rejection. Healthy assertiveness skills require the ability to be able to give and take criticism objectively, it’s not an easy thing to learn especially if we have been through a lifetime of building and reaffirming bad habits, but is something almost everyone can work on. The benefits are great, you will be able to express yourself clearly and learn from your mistakes if you are not habitually defending your own short comings. We all have them even though it’s hard to admit it.
As our ability to give and take criticism is influenced by our experience, it’s important to start by considering exactly why we feel the necessity to critique or criticise. Are you actually being reasonable do you really have cause for compliant? Ask someone else for an opinion if you are unsure.
If you think you have a real cause for complaint try the following:
- Start on a positive note, think of something that the person has done that you are pleased with, something related to the issue in question is best. Then follow with the – however this could be better.
- Be objective, always on the problem and never on person.
- If the issue you have with a friend or colleague is based on gossip and hearsay, make sure you have your facts straight before approaching someone with your grievance. Be specific and use solid facts, don’t waffle, be clear and don’t be tempted to add “and another thing” stick to the problem in hand.
- Make sure you are in the right frame of mind. Do not attempt to give criticism when you are in a bad mood or while you are angry.
- Keep the conversation private. Do not attempt to criticise others in front of other associates, friends, colleagues or family members. If this is impossible, at work, for example you may need to speak up in front of another member of staff, make sure that there is no ‘ganging up’ going on.
- If you find yourself on the receiving criticism, ask for specific details of what is expected of you. Try asking the person critiquing to help you to understand better what is required of you to receive more positive feedback in the future.
- Listen first, and then ask yourself how you can improve the situation. Though it’s difficult to admit that you have done something wrong or not quite up to scratch, treat it as an opportunity to learn rather than a moment of defeat.
- Remember that healthy criticism is good instruction.
Not all criticism is healthy; learn to recognise the difference between someone who has a valid point and someone who is unfairly critical by nature. There are people out there who thrive on unnecessary criticism of others. They do it to make themselves feel better. To deal with people like this you need to develop some great assertiveness skills, but that’s another lesson for another day!
Silicon Beach Training provides business, personal development and HR training at our training centre in the heart of the eclectic City of Brighton. Our Assertiveness Training and Management Training are amongst our most popular courses. In-company and private training can be provided worldwide.